Healthy Trendsetter T-Shirts

'You have to go where the market takes you.'

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Slow down. I need another drink. Can we rest for a minute?"

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

"That's a good look for you, J.B."

"We’re trying to inject a little pastoralism into our lives."

New Shades 2020

'Those are to increase my mental energy. . . Those are a mild sedative to calm my nerves.'

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

Paleo-to-go

"Which celebrities do this type of yoga?"

A woman stops at a building directory sign for Centers for Diseases.

Eventually I'd like to major in cosmetic surgery.

'Do the flu masks come in other colors?'

"I'm looking for a memorable flavor experience at a forgettable price."

Woman who has run out of make-up

The Decafé

'I think your overdoing the pineapple juicing!'

"For my second breast augmentation I added a WiFi hotspot."

Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

"Dragons were never out of style."

"Actually, kale is toxic."