Healthcare Industry Watcher T-Shirts

'Well here's the problem. #AB5 is a Nuclear Missile. # AB6 is a box of surgical gloves.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Just Browsing.

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"As I suspected, there's nothing wrong with you. But I'd like to keep ordering tests till something turns up."

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

Health Foods

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"I'd like to know why we're selling elements to the companies, and then turn around and buy compounds from them."

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

"I'm glad you've been able to find new hires, but that's not what I meant when I said that we have a radiologist shortage to deal with."

"Those bullet holes are something new, aren't they?"

'This is Hugh from PrivateMeds Inc. he's looking around the hospital...'

'And in today's health market - coffee is up, fats are mixed, and sugar continues its downward slide.'

Global Medical Antidepressant Sales

Marketing Spin

"See, son? Daddy's company makes inhalers to help people with asthma."

'It's not for soaking your feet... it's a bedpan!'

'The hospital lawyer is here, my lawyer is here, representatives from the insurance company, the ethics committee and the government are all here...where's the doctor?'

'We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it.'

Emerging from Bankruptcy.