Healthcare Cost Explorer Pillows

'I understand the fee for medications. But how come I was also billed for side effects.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

Medicare: More is Better!

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

A man's health care options.

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'Our financial adviser urges us to take a hiking vacation this summer.'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

"This is a bend and breakfast. You sleep on a cafeteria table."

'The wife and I are planning to look at pictures of Vegas online for our vacation this year. How about you and your family?'

"What else can I claim on my expense account?"

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

Wine Prices

Beefsteak travel, hamburger budget.

"I'm dating an MRI technician."

"I stay awake all night worrying about my insomnia, doctor!"

'I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be.'

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

'I have two colds. I'm taking aspirin for one, and hot tea with whisky for the other.'

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.