Healthcare Costs Analyst Pillows

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

Looking for the cause of high health care costs. . .

'Good news, Mr. Blume! Your condition isn't serious - just expensive.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Safe spaces?

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

Uncle Sam and health care.

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

"We re cutting back on overhead."

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

Republican Healthcare

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

'I've saved a bundle on cubicles. I only hire mimes who do that invisible wall thing.'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

'How much medical skill are you willing to pay for?'

'I'm sinking fast? How long do I have doc...?'

$10 a step at the doctor's office.

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

Required health insurance?

You take'm through the nose, you pay through the nose.

'Surgery is being outsourced now to a shop just down the block.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"Who needs medicare when you're a zombie?"

Nurses in short supply.

'Make people buy health insurance?! Now you're going too far.'

'If you wish to retain my rock star client's talents you're going to need to pay a rock star price.'

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

"Yes, it is a very large bill. Unfortunately, the doctor who gave you a second opinion charges ten times what I do."

"Says he can't afford the hospital's parking fees!"