Healthcare Amusement Gifts

Viagra Island

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"I don't leave home without it!"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'Snap out of it.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

An allergist sneezing

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'Doctor, I thought I was the one who was supposed to say Ahh.'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

'I'll take #1.'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'And out hospital has rooms...lots of rooms, and some beds, and we've got stairs.'