Health Tracker Lover Gifts

"I used to monitor the watch. Now the watch monitors me."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'He's very particular about how far we walk.'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"We've gone glutton-free."

Woman and scales.

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

"I'm leaning towards the health benefits of becoming a vegetarian."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"What? The goal wasn't to see it go down, just not to see it go up."

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'

A gastric band is meant to go on the inside!

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

The Decafé

'I've discovered a new diet. I can eat as much as I like but I'm not to swallow.'

"It's 10000 steps a DAY, not a YEAR!"

Body weight app on mobile

"I guarantee that your appetite will be suppressed if you take just one of these diet pills per day."

"I'm taking out two acres of pecan trees and putting in a fifteen-thousand-square-foot colonic-irrigation facility."

"The only way I lost a few ounces with my activity tracker was when I took it off."

'I've been watching what I eat. Have you got anything for tired eyes?'

"I knew the romance had left our relationship when he bought me a new sphygmomanometer for Valentine's Day!"