Health Satire Seekers Pillows

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

GPs could be forced to switch IT systems onto new NHS digital contract

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

NHS Efficiency Drive

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'Actually, cash... not laughter, is the best medicine.'

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

Energy Drinks

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

'Take two of these and visit my website in the morning.'

'...and would you like to upgrade today's payment with your x-rays on a t-shirt, coffee mug, or photo package?'

"Don't worry, Mr. Johns, basically we'll be taking your organs out and repositioning them all, just a bit to the left."

'How are you feeling apart from the fever?'

Health Care Parade

"This is all Obama's fault! If he hadn't invented the Affordable Care Act, we wouldn't be in this mess..!"

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

'Yes, they're my own teeth. I paid the dentist for them myself.'

'Which health plan are you on?'

'Need some kidneys.'

"It never ceases to amaze me what little brains people have."

Regulators claim practices are overloaded with patient surveys.

Doctor with funny glasses to patient: 'We don't need a radiologist. My new x-ray glasses allow me to see right through you.'

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."