Health Mystery Lover Pillows

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

"My complaint is RARE? - y'mean none of my friends have it?"

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

Dieting Motivation.

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

Paging for a Doctor

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

Guns won't help

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"You're this age and never had surgery? Aren't you curious?"

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'I'll take #1.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

'Mr. Figgs - any door with doctor on it - knock-go in-smile-sit down-poor out your woes.'

'What is it now, Mister Hypochondriac?'

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'I'll have to do some tests, but I suspect you may have a sty in you eye.'