Health Hypochondriac Pillows

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

Hypochondria Hospital

"I think I'm coming down with something."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

'I know just how you feel.'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

Stay away from Pigs.

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

I feel fine! Ready to go home!

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

'I don't feel that bad.'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

'You have what we in the medical profession call, a mystery illness, which might give you an idea of the prognosis.'

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

Placebo Clinic: 'Mr Yomp, someone who may or may not be a doctor, will see you now...'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

'You're allergic to medical allergy bracelets.'

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

'It's that hypochondriac parrot!'

"I think I've caught that cold that's going around."

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

'The tests came back positive. There's not doubt about it. You're a flake!'