Health Hustler Pillows

"Rub this on everything."

'My doctor gave me a prescription for a head cold but I don't have time for a head cold. Could you change this to something for the 24 hour flu?'

'If you had a tapeworm, would you keep it?'

"Did the doctor forget to tell you to exhale?"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Corona Funeral

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"