Health Goals Aspirant Gifts

January Joiner

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"I used to want to be an astronaut, but now I think I'd rather be a billionaire space tourist."

Sam's Gym. My problem is I can't get the body I want with the body I've got!

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'My fortune says 'you can't be too thin, or too rich, or have too much computer memory'.'

'Frank said if he ever won a lot of money from online gambling, he wouldn't change, He lied,'

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"That's the shoestring I started with. It was tied around 100 million dollars worth of stocks and bonds."

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

The Janopause

Books or Junk Food.

'Don't worry. His diet's only last a day or two.'

'May I have my allowance in gold bullion?'

Finally. A home exercise system that really is a clothes rack!

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

'What you need is some negative growth.'

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

'I don't want to be president when I grow up - but I'd like to have enough money to run.'

'I always watch what I eat - right up until it disappears into my mouth.'

'Your mum and I are thinking about giving your power of attorney...' - 'Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm rich! Rich!' - '...and now, strangely, I'm having second thoughts.'

Low fat diets.

'Do you want a fright with that?'

"Really should so some exercise. . . ."

'Yes, well we all like money'

'Okay, mine says, 'Eat healthier foods. The current health care system really sucks.''

'What shall I do with these old books of yours? '

"Does skipping breakfast count as both exercise and dieting?"

"Why don't you lose weight?"

"I'm really serious about exercising. Last year I only went to the gym twice, once to join and once to renew."