Health Food Mocker Pillows

"My trick for enjoying kale? I put in blueberries, a banana, a scoop of vanilla ice cream and ice. Then I throw the kale in the trash and blend."

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

Attack of the 'health' foods

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

Mountain escalator.

"Ding dong bell, Pussy's into wellness."

Earplugs £2 a Pair

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

'Jake's Alternate Pharmacy.'

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

'No, you can't count an extra olive in your martini as a serving of vegetables.'

Memo to all departments: NO!

Al's Health Spa: You are what you eat.

'Where is the 'it won't immediately kill you' aisle?'

"What's all this fuss about genetically modified food, anyway?"

Members only.

"I put vegetables on my facebook likes just to play with my Mom's head."

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

Curds & Whey. Low Sodium. Fat Free. Instant. Organic. Lite. Brown Sugar. Reduced Fat. No Cholesterol. With Spider Marshmallows. Updating the Classics.