Health Food Investigator T-Shirts

Scrutinising a burger under a magnifying glass.

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Honest Vending

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

Acme Foods. Research and Development. Then it's an "no" on the Mexican Jumping Bean Dip?

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"I changed my mind - I don't want any shredded cheese on my salad."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

'The diet books really worked for me...I bought so many I couldn't afford any food.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

"Have you seen what goes into that stuff?"

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'