Health Fad Explorer T-Shirts

"That's pork - the meat of the pig. It makes an excellent substitute for tofu."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Slow down. I need another drink. Can we rest for a minute?"

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"We can address the underlying problems ... or ... you can keep your head in the sand."

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

'Those are to increase my mental energy. . . Those are a mild sedative to calm my nerves.'

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"It's a very hip disease, so it's good that we caught it early, before everyone's talking about it."

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

"Which celebrities do this type of yoga?"

A woman stops at a building directory sign for Centers for Diseases.

The Decafé

'I think your overdoing the pineapple juicing!'

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

'Who wants to live longer if you have to live without cookies.'

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

Firewood for Sale

'It's a variation of the South Beach diet -- we bury you in the sand till you lose fifty pounds.'

"I can deal with the cold, but the fear that this might not be the answer to all my problems is beginning to get to me."

"You ever notice that the gluten-free ones have a funny aftertaste?"

Contains No Coconut Oil

'You claim that you are 'Big boned'. Luckily it doesn't show as you are even 'Bigger fleshed'!'

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified food will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."