Health Crisis Chuckler Pillows

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Sisyphus and coronavirus

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

"Aways the victim."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

Energy Drinks

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

"...H...5....N...1...?? You got me....but I'm sure it spells trouble."

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

God and Adam implement social distancing

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

'I'm trying to watch my weight so I hope that's low fat!'

'The doctor will see you shortly. Try not to disappoint him.'

"Why can't we have a proper stairlift?"