Health Crisis Chuckler Gifts

"We're all self-isolating: Terry's in the airing cupboard, Sue's in the wardrobe, Betty's in the larder and I'm in the shed."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Sisyphus and coronavirus

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

The End Is Nigh. . . Told You

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

"Aways the victim."

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

Energy Drinks

"...H...5....N...1...?? You got me....but I'm sure it spells trouble."

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

U.S. Sends Troops to Invade Ebola

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

Am I in good shape, Doc? If you think "spherical" is a good shape. (Published originally on January 9, 2014.)

God and Adam implement social distancing

'I'm trying to watch my weight so I hope that's low fat!'

'The doctor will see you shortly. Try not to disappoint him.'