Health Coverage Connoisseur Pillows

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

"What you have is very rare... You have, sufficient medical insurance."

"Hold on - I need to tell the credit card company I'm going on a trip."

S**t Threw a Goose

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

Medicare: More is Better!

"I can refer you either to Dr. Basinkski, a noted specialist, Dr. Hodge-Cabot, who is a pioneer in the field, or Charlie, a generic doctor who also does a very nice job."

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, Doctor scared by apples,

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

Modern Monster

'Can I have a new credit card please - this one's full up!'

What do you have in mind? Something for nothing!

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

'Money can't buy everything... that's what credit cards are for!'

Fisherman to friend about to be devoured by shark: 'Bill, are you familiar with the health benefits of shark cartilage?'

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

"I don't know - none of these cookies offer an engaging brand narrative."

"Don't worry, she's still alcohol aware."

"I've always admired you. I find your complete lack of compassion refreshing."

Mothers are Heroes

'Could you ask the dentist if it's okay for me to use my own spitton?'

"Daddy just got sick of money for money's sake, so here we are in Washington."

Corporate Liposuction, Inc.: 'A leaner, meaner company, or your money back!'

"But I’m so close to my Kickstarter goal!"

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

Doctor uses his stethoscope on the patient's wallet.

'This can't be right...I went private some time ago.'

'How did I fill all this in for only $75.00? Easy, I only collect corked wines.'

'You've only got a few days left to use up your healthcare benefits for the year. I'm going to call to see if I can get you in for a colonoscopy.'

'...and with our DeLuxe Plan, you actually get the unlisted number of your doctor's answering service!'

Expensive Vintages.

"Campus lockdown 2020-21: Studied Net Flix, takeaway menu apps, and future benefit entitlements."

"How little we really own, Tom, when you consider all there is to own?"