Health-conscious Home Cooks T-Shirts

"Every time you say something is good for me, I know it's going to taste yucky!"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

Lady of the Cake.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Domestic Goddess.

"You do like octopus?"

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

But is it organic?

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

Is that pancake ready yet?

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

Baking

"... Oh, don't worry, I won't 'overcook it'... I hope you like, sushi."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

Lockdown casserole

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

I made you a cake!

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"It's a recipe called no-cook fish chowder."