Health Conqueror T-Shirts

Intendo.

'My feet are killing me.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

A woman wearing a skin sitting behind a desk with a nameplate that reads "Sheena, Queen of the corporate jungle."

The trim reaper

'Me? I took my cardio to the next level.'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Of course, the toll on my personal life has been enormous.'

Why am I running?

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

"I believe he was the victim of a hostile takeover."

Yoga To-Do

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

Planting a Flag on the Summit

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

Empty Calories Vending Machine.

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

"Sometimes Bob just needs a little motivation to get things done around here!"

'Since it's Mother's Day, we'd like you to take the day off.'

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

"No, Dad. All this belongs to me right now. I acquired it in a hostile takeover."

"No monsters under this bed! After I cleaned there's no room."

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

"Somehow I thought they'd be a bit SCARIER."

'I sent an employee to a motivational seminar once. He came back and took my job.'

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

National corporate ladder of success monument.

'He works in Acquisitions.'

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."