Health Check-up Fun Gifts

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

Full System Scan

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

'Wake up, Mr. Granger, the doctor will see you about your insomnia now.'

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

"Smoke, drink and womanize as much as you like but don't forget to update your will..."

Man checks the gears in his chest.