Health Check-up Fun Gifts

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

Full System Scan

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

"Smoke, drink and womanize as much as you like but don't forget to update your will..."

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

Man checks the gears in his chest.

'Wake up, Mr. Granger, the doctor will see you about your insomnia now.'