Headline Hater Prints

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Fear of news.

Newspaper suicide.

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

'Get up and put your house slippers on! - You'll be late for home school!'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

Big Newspaper Delivery

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

Man burning his tie.

'How fast can you hype?'

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

News for Sale

The Expert

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

'Oh good! - I hate long lines!'

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

"In financial news, stocks were down, bonds were up. In world news, democracies were down, dictatorships were up."

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

The Daily Fury

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

Newspaper