Hat-trick Hero Pillows

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

I love Basketball.

Zoo. It's wednesday again --- time to wash the camels. I hate "hump" day. (Published originally on July 20, 2005).

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

Kids playing ice hockey for a medal.

Zdeno Chara

Watering the garden in the rain.

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

"If you wear these caps backwards, they keep the sun out of your eyes."

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

"You're back! You're really back...!"

"I'm so grateful to play for this fantastic club....a childhood dream come true!"

Goalie Wall.

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

Athletic Darwinism.

You look like a team player. I like that!

T-Rex: the Best Hockey Goalie

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

Hay fever hotline.

"A little high and inside."

How many ways can a coach say 'get the ball and score some points'.

"Man, he pulled that one out of thin air!"

Robot League Baseball. The player upgrades are great this year! New batteries and antennas will increase our home runs and decrease strike outs. They'll hit with more power, yet still make consistent contact! A software patch will cut down on errors. And the catcher's signs are encrypted now so they won't get stolen. Even with all that stuff, the most important upgrade is organic, grown in a biology lab! Yeah, every member of the pitching staff has a live arm!

Canadian Jesus

Mat Trick

GOOOOAAAAAL!

I love hockey!

'Now THAT'S just showing off!'

'On second thought, you're right. It was incidental contact.'

'Hi Hon, just calling to let you know I'm on my way home.'