Hangover Recovery Gifts

"Good God, man. You look like you didn't sleep in a hole last night."

"If think my sense of smell is returning."

If it is self inflicted expect no sympathy.

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Speed Dating for Turtles

Self-esteem room

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"I think we need to have a chat about your 'support team'..."

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

"Oh, God! I had EXACTLY the right amount to drink last night."

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"Ever since the accident, I can't seem to get it together."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

"The good news is, I got religion!"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

"I do feel like my old self, but I want to feel like my young self!"

Nobody warned Marge that a side effect of a hip replacement is feeling more hippy.