Halloween Host T-Shirts

I thought this year we'd do soup and salad.

Showbiz Awards

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'He likes to power nap.'

'One eye of newt or two?'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

"Fred's had too much to drink - now he's hitting on that old coat rack."

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

'Awesome mummy costume!' 'I'm a pirate! Some kids just TPed me...'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Had more ghost-hunters 'round my place last night....scared the daylights outta me!"

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Trick or Tweet

"Eye of pie...a**e of rat...p**s of newt."

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

Macbeth: Take Two

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"What are you doing? It's Halloween. Not leaving your deliveries to the last minute this year?"

Zombie pet tricks.

Punkins

We have the right to refuse service to those not wearing a mask.

Ghost puddle

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Harry?... Is that you?"

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."