Habitual Contributor Pillows

'Actually, no-one's retiring or getting married this week - it's just that I can't kick the habit.'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

Save our seals - "I doubt my little vote will make any difference."

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

Second to Nun

"We will remember them."

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

How do you like the new suit?

Prayer to Share

Are we a bunch of losers? Who are you talking about? Me, Randy, Sadie, even you Uncle Mort – all of us cafe regulars. We've been hanging out at this place for years. I've been working here two decades. Do we have nowhere else to go? More powerful even than inertia: Any momentum killed by an uncompromising nap regimen. Zzzz.

'Never was a team player.'

'Giving back to the community is an excellent tax write-off strategy.'

Eating Alone

Spent it all on the primaries.

"Ever worked out how much we have saved over the years by not having to buy trousers?"

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

sale on paradigm shifts.

'So, this is what you do in your secret room...'

Smoking away money.

"My fellow-investors..."

"You can offer a pledge, but not IOU's."

Long Limo Wait

'I don't like changing my habits. That's why I'll have what I already know I don't like.'

"How can you say I don't give back? I'm on the co-op board."

With gas at three bucks a gallon, Eva felt that the neighbor kids should pay their share.

"I tried change, it didn't work."

Hungry and Homeless, Rich and Heartless.

"Promise you'll spend it only on locally-grown healthful produce?"

"I just do the little things that don't show up in the box score."