Campaign Contributor Pillows

"My fellow-investors..."

Spent it all on the primaries.

Political convention

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

Palin 2012

Jerry Brown.

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

'Remember when the worry was over little swift boat attacks?'

Tony Blair

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

"If reelected, this time, I promise not to procrastinate for four years and then try to get all my governing done in one epic all-nighter."

Stephen Harper on the attack ads.

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."

Scott Walker keeps his job.

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

'The press is calling you overconfident. Stop using ‘Hail To The Chief' as your ringtone.'

"We all know the Senator's position regarding term limits."

'Not only have I never been a Congressman, but I've never even set foot in Washington!'

"We will remember them."

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."

"Dad has promised that if he becomes President, we'll get a dog."

'Well, I see that Senator Zwecklos has found a loophole in the Campaign Finance law.'

You're suffering from pre-election fever brought on by competing promises.

TRUMP

"None of the candidates - not one - talks about health insurance for use."

"No more fake news, alternative facts, or conspiracy theories. If elected, I promise to go back to old-fashioned lying!"

Welcome to Washington DC...Beware election year politics.

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

Vote Jones, Just for the Hell of it.

'Any Questions?. . . Anyone else?'

'The terms of my parole make it impossible for me to return to my seat in congress with known criminals.'

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'