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'I wish you'd stop humming!'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

Seeing the marriage counselor.

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

"I don't know - I feel like we always split the cheese plate."

Man buying the same clothes as he already owns

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans.' 'Now you don't.'

Suicide Is a Rude Way to Interfere With Society Murdering You

Urban Development - Cutting down trees and naming streets after them.

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

'I can't help politicizing everything!'

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

'Regular' and 'Fabulous' Gasoline

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

Smoking Cessation Clinic - Formerly The Pub.

'Come home, Fred. It's Sunday.'

Addiction Research Centre.

'Our dog's been dead two years but he can't break the habit!'

'Sister Agatha you're flirting with another bad habit,'

Grade 'A' Grass.

'Scanning articles without finishing them on the Internet is affecting you. You're not finishing anything.'

"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."

'And that's Mr. Clarke - bottle of Pinot Grigio, every Friday, 4:45 p.m.'

"And do you, Robert, mind if I smoke?"