Guru Teachings Prints

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Kirsten Johnson

Guru.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

OM, SWEET OM

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'