Gun Humorist Pillows

"Do you have any organic bullets?"

'Don't worry, he never misses ... except when he's been drinking, like tonight.'

Cat in a tank...

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

'...and this is the Mess.'

"Did you call for a Medic?"

French Army knife

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'At last! Some decent kit.'

Banting in the Yeomanry

At a Country House

The Mafia Goes Green.

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

US Camouflage School

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Golf war: 'Fore!'

The Emperor of Irony

'I know you didn't just reach through the torpedo tube and grab those fish.'

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

The Bengal Lancers/Bingo Lancers/Bagel Lancers/Bungle Lancers

Beware of the dog.

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"It's from Private Ryan...Wish you were here."

The origin of 'Rorke's drift' has long been a subject of intense speculation.

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

'I don't know what I ordered, but I think it's going to be good!'

"What do you think the delivery time is on a drone pizza?"

'My doc says I carry a lot of hostility with me.'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'