Gull Dodger T-Shirts

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"....and hold the garlic."

Nun Binning the Devil

Health

Man on lilo keeps getting irritated by flies/birds.

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Hunter hits duck with ejected shell.

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

Skiing Accidents.

The Demon's Disguise

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

Why men hate shopping.

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"My business plan? Well, all my friends are addicted, so if I can get access to potatoes and set up a deep fryer, I'll be rich!"

"Sergio, just for you, I made this cake glucose free.... I don't know how to make glucose free."

Seagulls

Winter depression.

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

'I like to take one day at a time.' - 'Trouble is you're three weeks behind.'

'That was a test of our school's emergency broadcasting system. If this were a real emergency, you would have been asked not to talk to reporters.'

Bowling.

THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE... WHERE IS THE CAT?

'Doesn't look good...My ear plugs nurse.'

Mountaineer dive-bombed by bird

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

L-L-L-L-Lobster Face!

Dodging the firing squad.

"I see Rover has introduced himself to you?"

'For the last time, Ken, I did not back over anything! You're imagining things! ... Now get out of the cart, wade into that pond and retrieve your ball!'

"If my wife calls, I'm at the protest."

'Notice how the brown of the pants nicely picks up the brown of the dogshit on your shoes.'