Guest House Proprietor T-Shirts

'You know the rules, Mr Perkins - no visitors after ten o'clock!'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'Now here's a place I like!'

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

"The pH level seems a little off."

Christmas Canapes

Ino & Frieda's 'Bed and Bagel'

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

The Climate Change Debate Explained

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

Ed discovers that building his greenhoue outside the leftfield wall was a huge mistake!

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Decaf for me, Peter."

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

Man in woods sees sign, 'No Trespassing', next to 'Go Ahead - Make Our Day!'

William and Real Estate

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"As the owner of a hotel chain, I found being shipwrecked quite a challenge."

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.