Guest House Proprietor T-Shirts

'You know the rules, Mr Perkins - no visitors after ten o'clock!'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'Now here's a place I like!'

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

"The pH level seems a little off."

Ino & Frieda's 'Bed and Bagel'

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

Christmas Canapes

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

Ed discovers that building his greenhoue outside the leftfield wall was a huge mistake!

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

William and Real Estate

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"As the owner of a hotel chain, I found being shipwrecked quite a challenge."

"Decaf for me, Peter."

Man in woods sees sign, 'No Trespassing', next to 'Go Ahead - Make Our Day!'