Guardianship Guru Pillows

'He's always on heightened alert.'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"He likes it."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'My electric car is giving me static!'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I could do that.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"Look, it's my word balloon."

A baby playing on a grand piano

The Rise of Modern Art

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'Wow, talk about genius!'