Guardian Of The Wild T-Shirts

'Animal Rights'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

dog vs UFO...

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

"Look, it's my word balloon."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Next time make up your mind and just pick one!"

'The trick is to make it look as easy as possible while, underneath, you're paddling like hell.'

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."