Guard Duty Aficionado Pillows

"He's not here to keep someone from breaking in. He's here to keep students from breaking out!"

"He's a guard dog."

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

Michael Caine

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

Sign on Secret Service door: Could be out to lunch.

"Ya know, dad...I get to pretend I'm a superhero because of real heroes like you."

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'I'm a guard dog too.'

"Here's the weak point."

"I spent 18-plus years, $2 trillion and around 2,400 dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and all I got was. . . this lousy turban."

Army Man Playset 2020

'Can I have your autograph...?'

"Today U.S. Defense Industry stocks rose on news Dick Cheney endorsed Donald Trump."

Banting in the Yeomanry

"You're under arrest for breaking the law of gravity! You have the right to..."

Soldier watering camouflage plants on troops' helmets.

"Henry took a shower yesterday right next to Winthrop Rockefeller."

"I just installed a home security monitor."

Remounts for the Yeomanry

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Don't Try Anything Funny.

'The jury and our computers find the defendant guilty.'

'Being a Drill Sergeant isn't s tough - all you got to know is how to count to four.'

How wire-tapping began. Is that some kind of eavesdropping equipment? Sort of

'Mess with me if you have to, son, but not with the regimental moustache!'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"I don't see this as a rejection of all thing French."

'He's feeling very proud of himself. He went to watchdog school and graduated 'Magna cum loudly.''

"Tell me about your fear of policemen."

'This won't take long, Senator -- I'm a single-issue nut.'

'But this IS my mobile home!'