Grumpy Customer Humorist Pillows

How was your oatmeal, Sadie? Is everything good? Can I get you anything else? Wait a second, what's that flapping? Somebody, run to the window and tell me if you see a pack of hogs flying by! Has the sky fallen? Has hell frozen over? Has the sun risen in the west? Have chickens grown teeth? Has a donkey climbed a tree? This is the first time in 16 years that you've bothered to ask me how my meal's going, is what I'm saying, you worthless baboon! I wonder why.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

Grumpy old merry men.

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

'I know how you feel.'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'Self-help books for cynics'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'