Groupie Gifts

"I have two children by a previous tour."

Plant Lady

Theatre Crowd

Dynamite little combo

Liam Gallagher.

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Internet Cafe.

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

Robert Schumann

'Could you guys play a slow number so my gal and I can dance?'

Don't You Dare Stand in the Way of Me Standing in My Own Way

'I have Tourette's, and they play backup.'

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

'We've had an application from No.10 Downing Street. . . they need to extend their cabinet room.'

Nick Cave.

ABBA

Artwork in a gallery still has wet paint.

"I don't have a good ear. I should really invest in an air guitar tuner."

"You want England to win what!? Put me back in the lamp!"

'What I really want, Santa, is a front row seat for the Olympic Beach Volleyball games.'

"You're dragging the beat."

'Heaven...Hell...Who cares? You're Jim Morrison.'

"Yes I know Dear. Tiger Woods is playing here today!"

'Don't worry - I've found The Cure.'

"I'd like a table near the band please."

Eric Clapton

Victoria Beckham

Team Bass

"Actually I'm a 'Roadie' for Dalton, Edwards, Bell, Cosgrove and Stoddard."

"I'm dating a professional goalkeeper..."

"Glad you could join us, Donna. Please take a seat."

'They think it's Andover - it is Slough!'

Mob Misfortune Cookies 'There's a gun pointed at your right now' 'You will take one for the team soon.' 'Leave the gun, take the eggroll.'

'This is depressing, the Pro Bowl had more hits than my website.'

You've made your bed...