Grotto Admirers T-Shirts

"Don't worry about me, what do you want?"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

KAWAII T'AI CHI

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

Free Range Golfers

Sunset

"I hope they don't think this is our only technology."

"I conjured you up a dress, shoes, a corsage, and a limo—I'm not ponying up for an afterparty too."

Business acquaintances on holiday

"Is there anybody there..?" Knock once for 'yes' and twice for 'no'..."

"Yeah, I'll be glad when the baby is born: This is really affecting my balance..."

He was forced to take early retirement.

The big apple.

"Trust me, the joy of having sand between your toes wears off after a while..."

'Sure, I can make you look like Venus de Milo, but it will take two amputations!'

'The professor would have wanted it this way. He always was a breast man.'

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

"You know Gladys, you seem to be getting younger by the minute. What's your secret?" "I finally decided to get a few injections of bootox. It works wonders!"

'Sorry, Mr Wilkins, no hard feelings - but from your CV I don't think you would be right for this company.'

'Before' 'After' - witch at plastic surgeon.

Cosmetics keep men from reading between the lines.

"Aw, geez. I wanted a whitewall."

The Inevitable Let Down After The Capture Of The Lock Ness Monster

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

"Bring all the trash cans into my office. It's time for my lunch."

'I can't understand why no one came to our housewarming.'

'Human resources? This firm is totally lacking in ingenuity. Hire some ingenues at once.'

'-if it wasn't you at 'Toys-R-Us then it was your double!'

'They're ten stories down - How can they look suspicious.'

"I had a huge crush on him, he was so handsome, but then this girl kissed him and he transformed into a human: I was heart-broken..."

A golfer unknowingly being stalked by the Grime Reaper pulling his special range of scythes.