Grooming Goddess Gifts

Beauty regime

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Braiding a Horse's Tail

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

Bad fake tan day.

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Lesser known greek gods,

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Bathing the dog

"Absolutely not!"

Labor Day Flowers

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Emergency Hipster Beard

Dogs shaving

"Be creative...!"

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Dating is so expensive...

"Too much concealer?"

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

Men explained.

General Meade's Army, Near Culpepper - Shaving in Camp

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

'That'll be four thousand and eighty pounds please'