Grocery Strategist Pillows

"We can't be out of mustard. I'm showing two bottles in the panty, top shelf, on the left"

'Man! talk about turning a lemon into lemonade!'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'I've got it written down...'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

Friendly bacteria

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

Artificial Isle

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

Mankind's earliest ancestor emerges from the primordial ooze, closely followed by a prehistoric species of re-sealable plastic containers.

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'