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Market items.

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

Before/After

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Grimm's Reality Tales.

I wish I'd had the review.

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Holiday Supplies

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Platter confusion.

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

Decaying corpse