Grocery Funsters Gifts

Express Lane

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

Climbing with the baby

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Leopards do change their spots

"I don't like to complain, but this cud is a bit overchewed."

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

'The stuff legends are made of'

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

'When I found iout you are what you eat, well, I'm nuts!'

"I'm the mommy and he's the daddy and Teddy is the #@&&!# kid who keeps us from having time to do anything!"

"Oh, he's cute, all right, but he's got the temperament of a car alarm."

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

"Your Fitbit isn't working?"

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

Free Range / Deranged

That was 16 items.

"You know I hate you, right?"

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

'Well, thanks for getting me involved. Now I have to stand in the 'naughty corner', too!'

'I do try to walk more! The donut shop is a good 1/2 block further tan the health food store!'

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

'Whoa! I guess we shouldn't have eaten those bean burritos before leaving the workshop!'

"I've only got a few who can get around the world overnight. . . their names are - corona, delta and omicron."

'Call me soft, but I miss the old traditions.'