Grizzly Giggler Prints

'Yes,I'm wearing clean underwear.Why do you ask?'

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Clown God

Not you. Your hair.

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

Swinging through the jungle.

'It's going to be hard to get lost in these woods!'

'Whoops!'

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

"What kind of mileage does it get?"

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

Pest control, with death.

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

"It doesn't work on geese."

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

Black Hole Corks

Ghosts save on electrical & plumbing maintenance costs because they don't need easy access to the inside of walls.

The Big A** Theory

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"