Gridiron Glutton Mugs

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Input From The Front Office

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

American Football.

"Carpe pizza"

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Mark Gastineau

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Snowman Football Fan.

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Football.

Punishment for the kicker.

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

Before instant replay.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

Vikings to the Super bowl.

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,