Grant-writing Wrangler T-Shirts

"We're hoping to get federal funding and give you a better body."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Ah, the Bermuda Rectangle for files.'

"Well, I've finished the project on time and on budget!" "That means I've given you too much time and too much money!"

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"We're going to have to save some money...and one way is to rewrite the rules on expenses claim."

"Well, we got the grant."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

The nonprofit dog fight.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"Lost My Grant - Please Help!"

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

"Someday my grant will come."

"Our funding runs out in a month. Will everyone please think a little faster?"

The mazes were too easy, so now they have me running through bureaucracies and looking for grants. (Originally published on 2007-10-18).

The Institute Of Innovative Ways To Get Government Grants.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

Grants Office Scientific Research Section.

"Admittedly, our research went astray but getting more funding should be easier now."