Grant Grumbler Pillows

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

Irritable trowel syndrome.

The Cat's Alarm Clock

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

Rodin's Irish Judge

Boring and unnecessary meetings

"The planet is all wobbly this morning."

'He kept saying, I'm sick of weeds. I'm sick of weeds until he got sick of weeds.'

'Quicker to cycle anyway, mate...'

"We saw some inspired lunacy, then had some uninspired Italian."

"Yes, you should have studied harder and no, you can't unsubscribe from 5th grade."

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'Mum! Mum!... My egg's gone all runny!'

'Why does the phone always have to ring when I'm out of the bath?!'

Man - 'This coffee tastes like mud!' Woman - 'It was ground this morning.'

Can you tell me how to sue you for flunking me out of law school?

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

'To be perfectly honest, I hate my job: I'm not really a morning person...'

'No, I'm still standing in this stupid line looking at the back of somebody's stupid head.'

"Another meeting?"

I don't like mondays

"I stole your phone, but I'm giving it back. You get so many robocalls, it's just not worth the headache."

"The sooner they take you off vice patrols the better."

"Hurry up with more eleventh dimension funding!"

"Of course I was forgetting you've got a jigsaw to finish and a light bulb to change in the toilet!!"

"Where's the snooze button on this thing?" "Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!"

'I hate Mondays!'

'D-plus? -- I demand a recount!'

"Teaching's a joy until the first bell. Then the whole day's ruined."

"Whoever invented the obituary page is a real jerk."

'Irritable bowl syndrome'

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."