Grandpas Pillows

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

"I had 'the talk' with my grandma where I showed her how to use her iPad, iPhone, and iPod."

'Hey Grandpa, I replaced all your flat top surfaces with slow moving reptiles.'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Prize vegetables.

The Busy Gardener

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."