Grandma Adorers Gifts

'Boy, Grandmas sure are cute at that age.'

Goddess

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

"She used to just be a mom, but when I was born she was promoted to grandma."

"Elinor, honey, isn't Mr. Stripes pretty? He just had his shots."

Mick Jagger at 95.

Old man imagines his younger self dancing with a cane.

"Oh, he's cute, all right, but he's got the temperament of a car alarm."

"I'd tell you about my grandchildren, but their lawyers have advised against it."

We're sunk. Everyone's supposed to bring their Grandma's best dish to the potluck. Don't panic. Helen's Grandma was from Scotland. Yeah. But the Patakis cook Indian feasts. And the Mercantis still make 10 course Italian dinners. What was your Granny's specialty? Jell-o cube salad. Mmm ... sweet or savory?

"I can see by the sudden appearance of little dishes of hard candy in every room, Veronica, that we have finally entered our golden years."

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies

I need to take the day off. Family tragedy. What happened? An errant parachutist crash-landed. My grandmother knocked down. Then attacked by clowns. No one ever buys sick day anymore.

"Go ahead. Ask Grandpa to tell you the story about why we don't play with matches."

Grandma wearing novelty T-Shirt: 'How's my Hungging?'

"You can't teach an old dog to social distance."

'You realize I have to tell grandma about this?'

The old woman who lived in a shoe's Motorhome.

'I may not look like much but f**k with me and you're dead!'

'Why can't my mother be more like my grandmother?'

Santa Claus and Old Mother Goose

You're listening to K-OLD the golden oldies station. Back in a few … Oldies? You listen to oldies? Of course. Sinatra! Neil Diamond! Metallica. Vanilla Ice. The world is dead to me. Neil who?

"Let's see now... ummm... one whack on the snout with a rolled up newspaper, and I can let you in."

"Like Bob Dylan said, 'You don't know what you've got til it's gone."

Death never accounted for Mrs O'Grady's handbag.

"Yes it is amazing you found a card with GOTH on it, Gran, especially with your eyesight."

"Oh, I'm just between naps, Grandma."

'Granny's got wind again!'

"Dad says you can tell the age of trees by their rings. Does that work for Grandmas?"