Graduation From Culinary School Gifts

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

Turkey Autopsy

Cut out and keep your own Chef

Who ordered the tap water?

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

Counting ribs

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"You're the lid to my pot."

Cookbooks

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Rump roast?"

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Picking pastries.

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"I come here for the pepper."

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"These things are delicious. Hard and crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside!"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."