Grade Gamblers Pillows

REPORT CARD, 'Maybe it got garbled in transmission.'

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

Dogs and their thoughts

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

Little league world series of poker.

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Bribes for Jabs

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'I don't like to take chances.'

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Dog in casino.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

Short-lived Neanderthal Games: Slap The Sleeping Dinosaur

"Incidentally, my men's group has retrograded into a poker game."

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

"Stag poker"

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

Riverboat 4 Square Hustlers

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

Slug roulette

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'