Grade-free Guru Pillows

'I don't have to worry about report cards any more. . .I just resigned.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

'Where would you recommend for a tech-free experience.'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

Kirsten Johnson

"How'd I do on the test?"

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

Examiners.

Modern Witch Shoppe

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

"And what did my little darling do in school today?"

"Report card."

'I don't know whether these are good grades or not. The teacher calls them unique.'

"Great! I've finally mastered all my competencies and my teachers still have most of their hair."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"All As? Are you hacking into the school's records again?"

"Our accountant is great. We were a C corp, but now we're a B- corp."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'Straight A's. That means good.'

We pride ourselves on having every type of insurance policy, but report card insurance is a new one to us.

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

"'C' isn't EITHER the new 'A'!"

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

"Dude, I've never seen you so happy about a 'B' before."

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

GCSE's

Buffet - now glutton free.

Teacher giving marks out of ten to builder repairing wall in school.

Teacher with work box: 'You could do better work.'